Monday, February 4, 2013

A silent hum

I'm not going to start this entry with a cheesy opening line again. No "love is" this, that and whatsoever. For the past years, I've experienced a lot in terms of having joys in relationship, dramas, heartbreaks and moving on. It wasn't exactly what I had envisioned and it certainly wasn't a walk in the park for me. We always say that we deserve to love and to be loved. It may be true for many but some just want it for fun. I have no clue how fate works but I may have an idea how it manifests itself. We met in a place where no one seems to be taking one another seriously. For most of them, they were just looking for a one three letter word. Sex. Yes, sex. I'm not gonna play a innocent when that was the fact why I created that account. Tried being adventurous for a bit while passing the time away. I loved the attention while I was there. But there's one person I liked but never really had the courage to talk to, just because I don't think I'm good enough for him. Fear of rejection, I just ignored his profile and carried on flirting, playing (whatever you wanna call it) with others. It took quite some time and I think it was just a mistake when I sent him a message just because he had a different picture (Yes, didn't notice it was him and thank God I changed picture as well). I never regret the moment I did that because that was the point in my life where everything started. After chatting and texting for a while, we decided to meet. We met last year (11/12) at a coffee shop near my workplace. I never really got used to meeting up so you could imagine what I was feeling that time. It was like going to a job interview not knowing what will the result be. The worst kept playing in my head and kept saying to myself that it will be okay if he doesn't like me too. The time came for us to see each other for the first time. As my nerves were really killing me, I decided to go to the toilet located on the 2nd floor of that mall. Freshen up a bit, checked my clothes, practiced smiling and wiped my sweaty palms then my phone beeped. I went out and saw him instantly near the escalator and it became silent. No spotlight, No bells rang, No choir in the background. Let's face it, we had doubts the first time we met. Anyway, said Hi, How are you and the usual questions then went on to our date. I'm kinda expecting that awkward moment where you'll just look-at-each-other-and-smile just because nothing good pops out of your head. How can you tell when a date is not going well? If you have to think what you are going to ask and will ask next. Funny but that how it was going that time. I don't exactly remember how it started but our conversation got on the track when we started talking about our exes. Time flew by and we spent four hours that night. talking. over a coffee. I'm not new to rejection but I knew this one would work and boy I was right! Texting went on, the going out for dinner and movie, and so on.

It was after a month when I invited him to sleepover at my place after going to Tagaytay. Everything was perfect. The weather, the timing, and even the stars were. We both had a blast while we were driving around. The night went on and finally we went home. There's something I did/said that night that made him upset and it was a big mistake. I misjudged him. He was different and I really felt ashamed of what happened. When we woke up, he was ignoring me, and was so cold. I knew I fucked up. We still texted that day but something is really off. I was at my aunt's wake that night when he decided to call it off. I started to feel weird like I was going to throw up. After pleading, I decided to make my "last phone call" (I'm glad I did). When he picked up, I was already in tears. I didn't have any idea on what he was thinking about me that night until a few months later. Being the pleaser I was, I decided to make it up to him. Called up a local flower shop for a dozen red roses to be delivered to his office. It doesn't make everything right but at least it made him smile. There's a few more stupidity that I have done but will not elaborate further.

We all put ourselves in a risky situation every once in a while. But those risks can sometimes turn in to something beautiful. If I had not done what I did that night we went to Tagaytay, everything could have been different. Again, I never regret that moment I did that.

Sometimes there are things that will tend to get us off track and lose sight of what is ahead. We must always bethink that we are not perfect human beings. Cliche but no one really is. Be spontaneous for we have no idea what will happen next. Relationships have to have mystery because otherwise it will be boring. All it needs to work is trust. Trust that your partner won't lie, cheat or hurt you. Trust that he will hold your hand every step of the way. Learn to love without inhibitions just because your'e afraid you will get hurt again. As from the movie Narnia "Things never happen the same way twice".

Three months have gone through and we're still dating (exclusively. Though not in an official relationship, we certainly do act like we are in one and we cherish every part of it. I must say that sharing laughter (with our stories that never seem to end) is the pinnacle of our dates. Sometimes we are acting immature but that's good because at least we are still getting to know each other and hey, we are all kids at times. We are so different in so many ways but it doesn't really matter.

After numerous story-telling sessions, We had connected all the people who became a part of us separately. In a way, I can't still understand how fate works but it is surprising how six degrees of separation does its magic through an ex, a friend, a colleague, a schoolmate and a relative.

As my opening line goes, I'm not gonna close this entry with a cheesy line either. I just want to say thank you.

Thank you God for giving me a hum that finally Echoed.

P.S. There's a lot of things I still want to write here but I keep on forgetting it. Sorry!

No comments:

Post a Comment