Saturday, November 5, 2011

If it takes a lifetime

It's been 38 days since I last saw your face, last heard your voice and last felt your touch. Frankly, people think I am okay because that's how I want them to see me. But everyday that I am away with you kills me inside. Not knowing what the end holds for me. For now, I really don't have anything to hold on to except the memories we had created together. Thinking about the times how you and I made each other smile without saying a word helps put a smile on my face. I know I have to stop stressing about what could have been because chances are, if it would have been, it should have been. I really miss you a lot and no matter what people say about you not coming back. I'm still hoping that you do. We we're both blinded by what we had that we got lost. Suddenly, waking up every Saturday morning is different. No more post its everywhere, No more morning hugs and kisses and No more popcorn movies. Regrets never came across my mind for because when I'm with you, I have nothing to fear and nothing to worry about. You became a best friend, a confidant, a partner to me. I love looking after you and taking care of you because you were never a brat and it made me feel I am needed in a relationship for the first time. I also love how you throw your tantrums and how you gave me a hard time making it up to you because whenever I put a smile on your face makes all the challenge worth it. We both lost time for some things that we used to have time for. Time for friends, families and personal activities because for us, being together filled it out when we are together. But we were wrong. We both failed at something that I always say the most important and that is communication. It's not always about us exchanging messages every now and then but it's also the time where we should have talked about the problems we are encountering in our relationship. Too bad we just found that out when we broke up. As bad as it may seemed, I really think you needed to release that so we can both fix ourselves. For when the time comes for us to be reunited, we know how to work it out. I've been thinking a lot lately about what happened. Blaming each other wouldn't help ease the situation because it only makes it worse. Pride isn't different because it kills something that we both could possibly have. I love you and I will never get tired of saying that to you. People get angry because they get disappointed all the time and I know that you got disappointed at me too. I should have listened to what you're not saying but I can't do that all the time. You have to speak what's on your mind so I can do something about it. Let's face it, you are still mad at the things I did. That’s why you said some pretty mean things about me but I know you didn't mean it. If I am to fill your shoes, maybe I would feel the same toO. There isn't a night that I pray for a tomorrow when we are in each other’s arms again. I also pray that no matter how that hatred you are feeling, it will be gone soon. I know you have a good heart LNC, being angry all the time is not the real you. I wish one day I could see your smile again when I wake up in the morning and maybe when that time comes, we'll make it perfect. Remember how you played "Don't Matter" by Akon one day I woke up? It should be like that. It doesn't matter if nobody wants to see us together because we got each other. For now I think we both need Time to heal all the wounds we incurred during the battle. Patience for everything that is happening and Forgiveness for what we had done with our relationship. I miss Nemo and I hope you miss your Toyo. I love you and I'm sorry. I don't know if you would read this at all but I have to release how I feel because you won't let me talk to you. For now, I hope you listen to this song.

"So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

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